I started this year off with plenty of high hopes and ambition. 2019 ended on a high and I still felt at times like it was me against the world as many have been associates in supporting me rather than being a solid network of friends who would pick me up when being down. <\/p>
Covid 19 made a huge introduction into the world in March and I felt at ease as being on my own I could live with seeing as I have always been a one man army with no support at the sides. This has always been my own doing as I am one stubborn man, but also it is down to trust issues from previous factors in my life where I have been severely burnt. The years have passed and wounds that I thought had healed obviously haven't, and this was going to hit me hard as lockdown got lifted.<\/p>
I built a strong foundation with myself when lockdown had begun. My mind was strong and I was in a good place. My mother was so ill and has been for the past 10 years but things begun to take a turn for the worse as she wasn't able to see anyone due to being high risk with her Type 1 Diabetes and Lung Cancer. I wasn't addressing the stress that I was dealing with and like a majority of us tend to not acknowledge out true feelings to what is affecting us deep within.<\/p>
Things did get better as I was given the chance to move to a new flat, and some good people had come into my life which meant the world to me as it brought out a true light of who I really was and I was loved for who I really am. There wasn't a need to put on a brave face as for the first time in what felt like an eternity, I had valuable loving support from those outside my family. I was allowing it to happen rather than sticking up my castle walls and not allowing anyone to breakthrough.<\/p>
Then real stress, anxiety and depression hit. Trolling from a few online about projects I had put my heart and soul into, those who I had felt supported me suddenly drifting off, moving house and my mum getting worse with her health. I was trying to deal with it with no help from anyone else, and this is where I have become so stuck in the mud. Situations that aren't that bad you start to make a thousand times worse, you also build pictures in your head of situations which haven't taken place. Life feels like it doesn't want you to be happy, plus your sub conscious is whispering little words which sway negativity your way on a consistent basis.<\/p>
This past week has been probably the worst week I have faced with my emotions and mental health in at least 6 years. Walking the streets on my own, tears streaming down my face, and not knowing what to do? No one to talk to, and when people ask how you are, you just smile and as I am an actor I perform like I'm walking on sunshine. My health is so important and I have just let it slide and being a type 1 diabetic this isn't a useful thing to do.<\/p>
My main point of this blog is to let people know that you are not alone. There are people who care and I am so lucky that my dad and even my mum who has so much to worry about have been there to help me and lift me up. I am sure there are other people who want to help but my stubborn nature thinks I can cope but really I can't. Negative voices won't help and it is easier said than done. <\/p>
I am working on myself so solidly and this hard time I am in is so heartbreaking that I am upset with myself for feeling like this. Fortune favours the brave, and to those who may be suffering like me at present, don't go it alone. Confide and I am a firm believer the right people will appear in your life. <\/p>
Peace and love to you all<\/p>
xxxx<\/p>
<\/p>
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